On the 3rd of May 2017 I lost my stepson Josiah Gathura Kariuki. It still feels like a bad  dream or  a horror movie.

 I don’t think I will ever get over the shock and the questioning as to why?

Its been 3 weeks since it happened and as a family we are trying to figure out a

“ new normal “ as we try to heal.

I am going through the same motions like any parent. Should I have tried harder, why didn’t I see it coming? Is there something I would have done to save him?

Sometimes I find myself obsessed with finding the cause to his abrupt death, it is my first and last thought of the day.

The loss of a child for a step – parent is just as deep as it for a natural parent. You have invested in the child, just as much as the bio parent has, sometimes even more, especially if you are the primary caregiver.

I look at my husband and the children; all I see is sadness in their eyes. I want to take all the pain away from them. But then I realize that we all have to grieve in our own way.

Some days we cry together and sometimes separately.  We are all trying to come to terms with the loss.

The family feels incomplete, little things remind me of Josiah.  How he used to run errands for me with joy cause he would get a chance to drive the car, his chance to play loud music with the windows open just like any other teenage boy would want to do.

How he loved his food and it was always a pleasure to cook for him.  There are so many wonderful memories of him that keep racing through my mind. The hopes and dreams for his future. Knowing that they will never come to pass. He had so much going on for him.

I have to stay strong for the family and try to keep sane.  Like they say only time will heal and as we all embark on this new journey of acceptance.

Each one’s journey will be completely different from the other so right now we are left to pick up the pieces and trust that God will see us through as a family.

Josiah I love you.

Mum.

7 Comments

  • Mouna says:

    I love your blog and style, you’re a beautiful inspiring soul!!!

  • Nicole Musuho says:

    Sorry for the loss

  • Isda says:

    You have a sweet soul,an inspiration to many and the only blessing Mike could have ever got from above.You have truly succeeded at making the other side of the coin look good and admirable.

  • Isda Nakana says:

    You have a sweet soul,an inspiration to many and the only blessing Mike could have ever got from above.You have truly succeeded at making the other side of the coin look good and admirable.

  • Barbara says:

    Sorry for your loss Catherine. My younger sister took her life August 2018. No warning no triggers that we know of, nothing. She was beautiful cheerful and a high achiever. After her burial is when I found her journal which made me
    Realize she had been struggling with mental illness for a while. It was it easy for us to know as we lived in different countries. We also struggle daily with the whys and what and how.

    It is so difficult.

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