I don’t want to sound as if I’m speaking for each and every woman on this earth, but the majority of us have fantasized about the day they say “I do” to their prince charming. We dream of the day our partners go down on one knee, pop out a diamond ring and ask us to marry them. While you are allowed to daydream and have all those expectations of a perfect day, it’s important to really do some soul searching. Marriage, as I have heard, is not a walk in the park. Yes — it has its good days, but it also has its very dark and ugly days. You don’t want to say I do today, but walk out a few months later all because you didn’t really think through the decision to walk down the aisle. That’s why before talking marriage with your partner and even before saying I do, you should ask yourself these 5 questions:
Why am I getting married?
This question almost sounds like cliché, right? I know — but this is probably the most important question you should ask yourself before saying I do. Different people marry for different reasons. I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong reason for wanting to get married but if you evaluate your reason(s), are they really good ones? The goal is to get married and stay married. Does your partner hold the same reasons for marrying you? If not, then there is a huge problem somewhere.
Am I willing to compromise my “me” and make it into a “we”?
Marriage is all about compromise. For two people to work together as a team, each member must give and take once in a while. But many of us have no idea how to compromise. I’m not saying you should compromise when it comes to your beliefs or morals. But then again, If you’re equally yoked, you won’t have to.
How do I expect my life will change after marriage?
Expectations. This is the number one killer of relationships. And the truth is, expectations don’t just stop because you said I do to the man of your dreams — they may even become bigger. Problems arise when these expectations go unmet and feelings of disappointment start to seep into the emotional connection between a couple.
Therefore, before saying I do, ask yourself what expectations you have going into the marriage and discuss them with your partner. A lot of times, there’s usually a difference in expectations between two partners. One partner may be expecting the emotional connection to intensify and the other may be expecting things to stay as they have been. It, therefore, very important that you openly talk with your partner about what you expect from the relationship, emotionally, financially, physically, and how you view your future together playing out. Failure to do so may lead the two of you down a bitter path ending in divorce.
How happy am I with how we deal with the good, the bad and the ugly?
All couples experience situations that test their commitment to each other and their compatibility. When you first are dating, it’s peaceful, calm, exciting, and warm. Then the harder times when both of you are no longer being on your best behaviour and all your baggage comes to the surface. If you have experienced this before saying I do, what did you learn about each other? How is your conflict resolution like? Are you willing to take that into a marriage? And if you haven’t experienced these stages with your partner to be, maybe you should push back the wedding date.
The decision to marry someone is not one to take lightly or make without thinking thoroughly. This is one choice that will have ramifications (positive or negative) for your entire life and for generations to come. Instead of basing this life-altering decision entirely on your “feelings,” please put the decision through the filter of these simple questions.