Men Cant Forgive Cheating
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Chris says his 10-year marriage came down tumbling after he caught his wife and mother of his two sons cheating. After a blissful decade of love and family, Chris stumbled on some flirty messages on his wife’s phone while she was fast asleep and further investigations revealed that his wife, Maggy had slept with her ex. He says he was lost for words and utterly confused. He had given Maggy the world. He considered himself a good husband — except for the few times Maggy had caught him red-handed cheating with three different women.

But that’s just what men do. We cheat. Not because we don’t love our wives. It’s different when women cheat, though.” He says. “Women cheat not only with their bodies but also with their hearts. They get emotionally attached. That’s why I can never forgive her. She says that it happened only once when she was coming to terms with my third and last cheating round but I simply can’t come to terms with the infidelity.”

Ego

Most men admit that they can never and would never under any circumstance forgive a cheating partner. Why? Because it cuts deep into their ego. Men are driven by ego. To a man, infidelity questions his sexual prowess, an offence against his manhood, threatens his masculinity and affects the core of his identity.

The idea of having another man shag your woman, it doesn’t sit well with us. Hiyo ni madharau kapsaa…n it won’t be the end of it,” says Erik, one of the men I had a sit down with concerning the topic. “Probably because we know once you do that, everything will never be the same again. A man who’s cheated before will cheat again, and so is how we see it in women too. Once they cheat, they’ll cheat again,” he adds.

Society

It is normal for a man to have more than one partner, actually, most religions civilizations allow men to have as many wives/partners as they can be able to support and sustain. Since there’s no such religious/moral or civilization backing for women having more partners but rather being judged harshly for the same,” says Dennis.

They aren’t prepared for it

Another reason why men say they can’t forgive cheating is that men are rarely prepared to be cheated on. The shock is there when a man finds out that his girlfriend or wife has been cheating on him.

This is unlike women, many of whom believe that the possibility is always there at the back of their minds that their man would cheat. So many are rarely surprised when they find out. For them, it’s a confirmation of a fear they’ve always nursed.

What do you think ladies? Are those good enough reasons why men can’t forgive cheating? Should we also be as tough when men cheat on us? I’d love to hear from you! Comment below and let’s talk!

24 Comments

  • Lucy says:

    Great article.
    Well we can forgive men for cheating once, assuming temptations got the best of him.more than once no .‼️

  • Ivy says:

    I am just stunned at the double standard to be honest.
    A man is constantly cheating as In the first scenario and gets heartbroken and offended that can’t fight for his marriage.While probably the heartache led her into the comfort of another man.Not to justify his wife’s cheating but there are consequences.
    We are also in a society that women are also taking sex as casual as men do so o claim that how women cheat is more significant than men is limited to few women.

    I think in my opinion the biggest reason is that most men can’t take people knowing that they were cheated on stayed.Thats for those that would consider not all men.Hence society influence as Denis said.
    Then there are men that is just Ego as Erik said.

  • Ashley says:

    Some of the flimsiest reasons I’ve heard….
    Most men cannot handle most the things they dish out to women! When it turns back to bite them is when they realize they can’t be all macho and dare I say “pretend to be hurt”.
    Moral of the story… Whatever you dish out, be prepared to handle it should it come back to hurt you!

  • J says:

    I never forgive cheating. You cheat I leave. Because I know you would do the same to me. I don’t want a community husband. We are not our grandparents. I am not prepared that a man must cheat. Also spoiler alert: women don’t cheat with their hearts, that is a myth!

    • Muthoni says:

      Totally agree with your spoiler alert.

    • Faith says:

      In my opinion, these are double standards.
      Can we first start with the basics, we are humans hence we have feelings and emotions. Values are there to be upheld and we should all understand that we can’t lower values to benefit one gender. Once you are a thief and we don’t brand thieves like ‘ female and male thieves ‘ .
      Self control is a value humans should uphold and hence forcing it on one gender is inhumane.
      When a partner cheats on you, it breaks trust. This is the perspective we should be feeding people with and no gender should be judged more harshly than the other. Once a mistake it is a mistake .
      I think we need to redirect our teachings towards values and not ‘ego’ and ‘power’ because I feel these are the things that have made the world so unbearable today.
      Just because it touched your ego, you can’t forgive someone for the same mistake you also did. I mean when you did the mistake you touched someone’s ego too. We humans should just stop this double standards thing

    • Audrey says:

      You’ve said it all

  • Joy says:

    Cheating is also known as ADULTERY , In the Bible there is only one condition given that qualifies a divorce and that is ADULTERY ,and it is not limited to men or women . Cheating with the body only (for men) and cheating with heart and body (for women) all are one and the same.,no one has to be emotionally blackmailed to forgive Adultery .

  • SILVIA KIARIE says:

    Thanks for the insight.
    The nail on the coffin for me was when Chris said “when my wife was getting over the last round of my cheating.” The nerve!
    No one deserves to be cheated on and couples should not cheat to get back at each other. We should learn to forgive especially when the infidelity was a mistake and a one time thing. Twice? Not so much.

    Cheating with our hearts? That’s just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! SEX IS SEX and men’ll just say sex is physical which is correct. Its an act. So how comes sex changes when it’s a woman who is cheating.

    Women should quit being on the short end of the stick and being handed a raw deal.

    Love reading your articles. Keep up!

  • LESLEY WAMERE says:

    Show me the multiple sexual partners you have, and I will tell you how much brokenness and low self esteem you harbour – man or woman.

  • Chisha says:

    From a Zambian context a woman cheating breaks a home on the other hand, a man cheating is consider business as usual. Very unfortunate if you ask me, cheating changes a relationship in spite of who instigated it. Men need to realise that it’s not ok to use different weighing scales to measure infidelity that their women perpetuated versus their own. Some of the reasons given above do not hold water.

  • Cara Chirry says:

    Okey, that’s double standards and sex is sex.
    But if a man forgives me after me cheating, I won’t trust him again. He must have been cheating too!
    And if I happen to forgive him , I’ll cheat for vengeance

    So cheating Is a NO for me. And if it happens, We break up.
    Plus this STD’s out here are real and I wasn’t there when he was cheating so I won’t know if he used protection or not so for the sake of my health and emotional well-being and values, I’ll leave. And if I happen to be the cheating partner I will allow him to leave too.

    I love your content Fashionable step-mom,I am 23 years old and I have plans of either adopting kids or being a Step mum like you.
    You inspire me.
    Thanks!
    Love!

  • Nellie Diemo says:

    Our upbringing has soiled us and left us to continue with the notions that its normal for men to cheat and women are banned because they don’t expect us women to cheat.
    We are all humans , we feel and breathe and we have views. To me, cheating isnt justifiable because its done with a sane mind. There’s no need to settle down when you’re only intent is to cheat in the long run. The culture must be shaken and changed

  • Lorna Achieng Odongo says:

    I couldn’t even stand to finish why men cannot forgive women, I truly can’t understand what the difference is, they talk about women cheating with emotions involved, all those women the men cheat with don’t they have emotions for our men when they cheat. Ama they are fellow men who don’t have emotions? That is why it hurts us to know he is receiving the same emotions I’m giving him elsewhere… Meaning he has other options other than me.

    It is just right that if we women would hold up our values and not compromise like these egoistic men we would not be talking about this, that we forgive them and still they repeat the same mistakes, story ya cheating ingeisha.

    My conclusion, let us just be as tough to them as they are to us. The world is round for a reason you get what you give out. You can’t give unfaithfulness and expect to reap faithfulness from your woman. I am team #onemanonewife

  • Winfred says:

    Am always offended by the idea of men thinking that they have the right to be forgiven after cheating. Then if a woman cheat a man can’t forgive her because of his ego really .Most men cheat because of sexual pleasure it hurts a woman to know that she is not sexually enough for her husband/boyfriend. This idea of ego as a reason should end we also have our own ego as women.

  • Chemutai says:

    How disheartening are those vague reasons. Men are the most selfish creatures God ever created. So if he cheats its okay to be forgiven but if he’s cheated in his ego is crushed. That is outright bullsht to me.

    • Silvy says:

      Not only does Erik and the rest of the men who reason like him have double standards but Eric and those men lack emotional maturity. In addition to the aforementioned, Eric and those men who reason like him disrespect their creator. Cheating goes beyond temptation it reflects on your poor relationship with God.

  • Men are selfish. That’s the only valid reason why a man will cheat repeatedly and expect to be forgiven while finding it hard to forgive the woman for doing the same. Cheating is disrespectful for anyone. Don’t continue living with a disrespectful partner for whatever reason. You deserve better.

  • Sue says:

    The man who was shocked after his wife cheated on him after his third affair is ridiculous!! Of course if he has been cheating on her, trust is broken and she feels betrayed. Why is he shocked that she found someone else? Their relationship is broken at this point. If she leaves he should not be shocked.

    The guy who says that a man cannot stand the idea of their wife or girlfriend sleeping with another man is right. But the same applies to women too!! If it is a monogamous relationship, a woman too feels hurt and betrayed if a man cheats on her. Plus even though women are assumed to not have big egos, I think finding out your partner was cheating can affect one’s self esteem. They might wonder why they chose another person over them

    It is normal for a man to have more than one partner, actually, most religions civilizations allow men to have as many wives/partners as they can be able to support and sustain. — This is a VERY patriarchal view of the world. I don’t agree with this at all. If a relationship is going to be polygamous or polyamourous it applies to both parties not just the man. I suspect most men would say no if they knew their wives/girlfriends will also get another man on the side just as they have a mistress or concubine. Also if someone cares about their health, multiple partners has health risks involved because of STDs.

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