Have you ever been told that you were insecure by someone you were in a relationship? How did that make you feel? Did you feel attacked? Did you immediately deny or did you take time to understand what was really going on? Truth is, when you’re deep into a relationship, it can be very hard to see the signs. It’s not until a relationship begins to crumble that you see insecurities were at the root of its demise.
Insecurities come in all shapes and sizes — for those single and those who are paired off. The trouble with insecurities in relationships is that it starts to affect both people in the couple. Those of us who enter a relationship feeling wonderful and confident might leave it feeling more insecure than a teen with braces at the peak of puberty.
Here are some signs to look out for:
You constantly want to check their phone
A healthy relationship doesn’t involve your partner or even yourself checking their phone. But when you constantly need to check your partner’s phone the minute they’re out of sight, this is a big sign of feeling insecure in the relationship. You check their phone in the hope that you will catch them cheating or flirting with other people.
You don’t want them doing anything without you
Are you the kind of partner who feels uneasy when your significant other is out hanging out with friends and you’re not there? You keep calling and texting to check in on what they are doing such that they don’t even enjoy their time?
If you can’t trust that your partner can be anywhere alone without something happening, it’s time to either re-evaluate your own insecurities, or the relationship as a whole.
You keep asking about their ex
“Do you ever think about them?” “Do you miss them?” These are all common questions asked by those who are insecure in their relationship.
By asking these questions — and hopefully getting the answers we want — we reassure ourselves that we’re worthy. But, ultimately, you have to be secure with yourself and your own worth before entering a relationship, or it will never be successful.
You need constant reassurance that they still love you
Just like how you might keep asking about their ex when you’re insecure in a relationship, you need constant reassurance that their partner still loves them. “Do you still love me?” “Do you find me attractive?” These are just some of the questions that an insecure person keeps asking their partner.
You keep accusing your partner of cheating
If your partner has never cheated before or given you a reason to actually believe they’d cheat on you, this might be a huge insecurity issue. At the surface, it may appear to be a simple trust issue, but it might be a lot more than that. In fact, it could be that you don’t find yourself good enough for your partner, and are scared they’ll find someone better. By continuing to accuse them of cheating, you might be pushing them away.
You stalk them on social media
Social media is a big part of our lives. That’s a fact that we have to live with. It’s such a huge thing that it has now become a major cause of conflict in relationships. When you’re insecure in a relationship, you constantly go through your partner’s social media, commenting and liking their posts. And if you’re really pushy, you might demand that they post you on their social media.