Statistics have shown that now more than ever, in history, most people are single. The number of new marriages cannot compete with the number or divorces. Most people you meet say they are single and do not really want to be with anyone right now. There are a lot of reasons why; ranging from personal to external circumstances. Here are reasons why single is the new black.
Well, they say that if you do not go celibate after a break-up, then maybe it was not that bad. People have been through the gutters. They have been hurt in the interpersonal relationships they have been in and at some point you have had it and decide that single is what you are going for. No stress – just you taking care of yourself, having no expectations from others and living your best single life. For this person, single is the new black and you cannot convince them otherwise especially after a string of bad and hurtful relationships.
Fear of intimacy
In as much as many people who are single will say they want caring partners, they freak out at the thought of being intimate with this presumed stranger. The idea of hurtful past experiences comes to play in this case. One wants a romantic relationship and be with someone but thinking that this person might change and become your worst enemy just makes them stay single.
To top it off, when in such a state of mind, you tend to attract the wrong kind or partners – those that are emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or downright psychotic. Moving on, the fear or intimacy will make you embrace your singlehood even more.
Not to say that you should fall in love with the next person that winks at you. No. Far from it. But you will agree with me that people are very picky with partners and the least glitch becomes a deal breaker. Some people have this far-fetched idea of what love should be like – like in the movies not knowing that the reality is often very different. They wait for this knight in shining armor that will never make a debut. Worse still, they have a checklist for the perfect partner – a partner that does not exist.
Low Self Esteem
Some people just do not love themselves. They do not think they are beautiful or handsome enough to be loved by someone else. They loathe themselves and when approached for a potential relationship, they feel looked down and project their insecurities on their partners. Some even translate it as mockery.
Fear of Competition
When we see someone else expressing interest in someone we like, we back away. We are fearful that they will be won over by the other person and to save yourself from premium tears later, we let go. We remain single.
When you have been single for so long and are used to the idea of being alone, you do not see the reason to be with someone else. We bask in our own comfort and being single becomes a way of life.
Whether it is by ourselves or from society, rule making has rendered many people single. If you have watched the movie “Think Like A Man” based off of Steve Harvey’s book “Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman” then you will know the kind of rules I am talking about. The truth is that, some dating rules do not apply universally. As a matter of fact, such things as the 90 day rule where you wait for at least 90 days to have sex with someone, may not be the case for some people. There are people who are married yet they would have passed as a one night stand while there are those that will wait to wife you, have sex and be gone. Some rules just do not work. Find what works for you and call them principles as opposed to rules.
For some people, being single is a choice why for some, they cannot just seem to find the one. Whatever the case, do not be miserable; always sulking that you are single. Enjoy the stage. Be happy that you are in it. Make the most out of your single phase. Thrive in it. There you have it – some reasons why single is the new black.