A marriage is a partnership, well, at least for the most part. It is two people that have come together to face life as one entity. What you expect from your partner is a shoulder to lean on during hard times so that you do not have to suffer alone. You expect your husband – or your wife – to be there for you at all times but at times, these expectations become unrealistic. Well, marriage counselors have been able to draw a fine line between what is acceptable to ask for from your partner and what is downright just to much to ask for. Here are some things you should never ask of your partner.
Asking him to pick between you and his mother
Let’s be honest here – this issue has caused a lot of friction in many marriages. As a wife, you might feel some jealousy when your man spends most time either in person or on the phone with his mother. A common one is you frowning when your mother-in-law takes the front passenger seat. Well, it is important to remember that if it were not for his mother, then he would not be there to begin with. Another thing that I have learnt in marriage is learning to pick your struggles. Do not blow something like a long phone call with his mother out of proportion. Well, if he cancelled or missed out on plans you had made or your son’s birthday or graduation because he was chilling with his mom, then let him know. In most cases, when you do not get along with his mother, the dilemma falls on him. Don’t make him choose.
Expecting him to listen like one of your girlfriends
Yeah, your man could be your best friend but he might not listen to your woes the way your girlfriend would. Men are wired to listen with the aim of pointing out issues that need to be fixed while women speak with the aim of getting an emotional connection. When venting, a man might just listen without saying a word and this might leave you feeling neglected. Your girl on the other hand will support you, be empathetic and validate your feelings.
Segment what to tell your husband and what to tell your friend. If you need solutions, then your husband is the ear for that but if you want to gossip and talk about some co-worker that gets to your nerve, your girlfriend is the best ear.
Wanting him to ditch his friends
Well, you know that annoying friend to your husband that you thought you would phase out after both of you got married? He is still in the picture, right? This is definitely another thing that you you should not ask or your partner. Just like us, our husbands need their guy friends as well. They bond over this hobbies like fishing, playing pool or darts or drinking together. Expecting him to ditch those friends is a bit too much. Do not make him recent you by forcing him to cut all ties with his guy friends. Have a life outside of the relationship.
The same goes for female friends unless she comes off as inappropriate and now you have to give her a fond goodbye and let her know that how she carried herself was not right in the context of your marriage.
Have boundaries drawn for friend of the opposite sex and stick by them. If you are not to hug friends of the opposite sex for instance, then it should cut across. No double standards.
Expecting him to remember every little detail about the relationship
Men are wired differently and little details such as dates are not their forte. Heck, they even forget their own birthdays so cut him some slack when he says you have been together for 6 years instead of 7. If you know that your husband is forgetful, make an effort of letting him know how certain occasions are important to you. Remember that women retain emotional memories more than men. Additionally, you can help his set reminders on his phone for those special moments that you would like him to remember. This is just one of the things you should never ask of your partner.
Wanting him to share all your interests
This is not going to happen. As a matter of fact, your passions and hobbies should be a time where you have some alone time or with the girls. Men generally are not interested in some things like spa dates or book clubs. Just because someone else’s husband goes with her and shares her interests does not necessarily mean yours uninterested.
Forcing him to be the bigger person always
It gets tiresome on some days. If you are the one acting childish always and using tactics such as silent treatment or withholding affection like sex so as to get your way, this might backfire. A passive-aggressive mode of communication in a relationship is very dangerous and destructive. With time, feelings of resentment and anger are harbored over time. Everyone’s feelings in the relationship are important. Do not downplay his emotions just because he is a man.
Relationships take work – that’s a given and your marriage will not be the same as the biggest online sensation. As long as you are two people that have decided to live one life to make each other better, then there are some marriage expectations that are just too much to ask for.