Do You Lose Your Independence When You Get Married?

By August 12, 2020January 2nd, 20212 Comments
Marriage and Independence

I write this article on a Wednesday – a seemingly agreed upon women’s day. It is also in the day and age where women empowerment is at the center of every discussion; be it economic, social, financial or developmental. More and more women are labeling themselves strong and independent and they are, in every sense of it. But one institution seems to be baring the brunt of all these seemingly beautiful and “woke” time – the institution of MARRIAGE. Well, this is evident from the trends that many marriages are breaking and not as many people are getting married to replace the rising divorce cases. So this got me thinking, what is causing this trend? Is the independence of the woman threatened by the institution of marriage? Or are men afraid to marry strong and independent women? Can one be a strong and independent woman and still thrive in her marriage? Is there a compromise?

These thoughts were further solidified by a news item that was aired today in a local radio station where strong and independent women were urged not to shy away from marriage. So it got me thinking, just how much have things changed from the days of our parents till now that we have to be urged to get married? What past trauma have we experienced from people that were married that made others swear against it?

Do you believe that as a woman, you have to lose your independence to gain the most out of a marriage union? How has your life have to change after you got married? Are there things that you had to give up in order to save or make the marriage work? What aspect of your independence do you miss the most? Is it worth the sacrifice?

While most women are crying foul and lamenting how much their marriages are on the rocks and falling apart, it is safe to say that this has also inspired some in those unions to be better, find themselves and motivated them to be better versions of themselves. Marriages should not be a place that you lose your independence and it should note scare you.

One woman talked about carving out her personal space. She said that even before she got married, she would go to shooting ranger, do archery and other outdoor activities. Her husband on the other hand loves to play PS and so after they got married, she continued to have her “me” time doing what she loved and her husband kept doing what he loved. They stroke a balance and their love is still going strong, 7 years later. She also adds that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be by your partner’s side 24/7 or texting and calling when you are not but she says that it is good to miss them a little. As an independent woman, she feels that the time apart where everyone gets to do what they like plays an important role in maintaining one’s independence and to some point, sanity.

A marriage can also make you follow your passions that you had swept under the rag. You can agree with me that many women who had dreams that they were not so sure about got back to pursuing them because their husbands believed in them and gave them the nudge. When the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life believes in your dreams and supports you to pursue them, then you are more likely to believe him. In this case, you will have gained your independence because it is true that support inspires confidence.

My two cents on this whole topic is that marriages do not make women lose their independence. I have seen strong and independent women who have thrived in their marriages. If you really want to get married someday but are afraid that your wings to fly might be cut by your partner, then he is not the one for you. Always remember that marriage takes work and commitment but I am not of the school of thought that you have to lose yourself to find a perfect marriage.


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