Let it be known that a deadbeat can be either a mother or a father and they can be from any race, age and socio-economic status. I was talking with my friend Miriam last week and she was telling me how the man she was seeing seemed like a very good boyfriend but his children were not seeing that side of him. You see, John, the man she was seeing was a very handsome man and did and said all the right words. Miriam, however, came to the realization that if they ever got kids, then maybe he would not be a great father because he does NOT take care of his children. Miriam has her career going and so does the mother of John’s three boys and a thought came to me; since these women do not depend on this man financially, are they being a deadbeat enabler?
After a little research and studying around, I noticed that there are three types of deadbeats. The Deadbeat, The Financial Leech and The Abuser.
This is the most common form of deadbeat and most of them are men. There is even a local radio show with a segment dedicated to calling out deadbeat dads (and sometimes women too). Deadbeat dads are the most rampant in our society today. A man will be expressing his love to you and as soon as you get pregnant, he is out of the picture. Some will even go to the extent of denying that the child is theirs even though they have a striking resemblance or the DNA says so.
Deadbeat dads walk away from their children and refuse to be there for their children either socially, physically or financially. In as much as it is easy to pin-point a deadbeat dad after they have children, trust me, you can still smell a deadbeat even before they become fathers.
The Financial Leech Deadbeat
You know the “I am waiting for a certain deal” kinda people? The one that always complains how broke he is and that he just does not have luck financially? That one is a deadbeat.
He will talk about how hard it is to find a job and he always seems busy making it look that he is trying. In return, he happily watches his wife, girlfriend or baby mama fend for him (rent, food, upkeep etc). These are what a judge once described as a “Woman eaters“.
When his financial support system (the enabler) tries to question his apparent lack of enthusiasm or desire to support himself and the family financially, he turns it around, playing victim and accuses you of being inconsiderate and mean.
The Abuser Deadbeat
In as much as deadbeats are often associated with denying to financially cater for the needs of his children, the abuser deadbeat is more dangerous. Any man who treats his mother, ex or current wife, girlfriend or baby mama poorly is a deadbeat.
This person could be the richest man on the face of the earth; buys you gifts and takes the children on expensive vacations but if he physically or emotionally abuses you and the children, then he is a deadbeat.
When you start dating someone, be very careful and keen on how he treats the important women in his life. He might not be physically assaulting them but you can tell from how he talks with or about them.
To any strong woman out there who feels they are a deadbeat enabler and are now entangled in this vicious cycle, there is hope. The bottom line is that, deadbeats will always exist, question is, do you want them to exist in your life?