Getting back into the dating scene for a lot of single mothers can be challenging. This fear comes, especially if their last relationship didn’t end very well.
Being a single mother is hard. I know, or at least empathize with you single moms out there. You are acting as both mom and dad to your beautiful kids and at the same time, working day in, day out to provide. And now, good grief, there’s dating to think about too?!
For most, dating is the last thing on the minds of single mothers. However, the single mom situation should not be a hindrance for you. It’s time for you to live a little and not feel guilty about it.
In this article, we look at the most common mistakes single mothers make when they finally decide to start dating again.
Using Past Experience
We all are culprits of this, single mothers or not. We start dating and right from the start, we have this terrible attitude of thinking all men are the same.
This attitude will kill your dating experience as fast as you started it. Ladies, listen up. Just because you had a nasty experience with the father to your child(ren), doesn’t mean all men are dogs.
Always have an open mind when you get back into the dating scene and go through each experience on its own without comparing it to previous ones.
Contrary to popular belief that men are irresponsible, there are a lot of very good and genuine men looking for love and some even looking to start a family.
Introducing your child(ren) to potential suitors too soon
This is probably one of the biggest blunders that most single mothers who start dating make.
Now, I’m not saying that you should keep it a secret to both your kid(s) and your suitor. It’s always important to gauge how your kid(s) will receive the news and at the same time if your suitor is ready.
In my opinion, it’s always best to wait until you have a committed relationship with someone before bringing your kids into the mix. It’s even better to wait until the “honeymoon phase” is over, or at least less intense.
Waiting too long to start dating again
The last thing on most single mothers’ minds is deciding to start dating again. But soon enough, believe me you, you will at a certain point want to find love again.
That’s why it’s important to start working towards healing from your past traumatic relationship and getting back into the dating scene.
Remember, the longer you wait, the more comfortable you get being alone so when you re-enter the dating world it brings on a whole set of complexities.
Assessing his parenting abilities on the first date.
When you are dating as a single mother, always remember that you are not only dating for yourself, but also for your kids.
However, in the early stages of dating, try prioritizing dating for yourself. So, putting a man on the spot and interrogating him about his parenting skills on a first date is a bit too much.
Have fun on the first few dates and get to know each other for who you both are. Parenting talk can come in the later stages of dating.
Forcing your Kids to Like your suitor
As a single mother, once you decide to commit to a suitor you have been dating, introducing him to the kids should follow.
The reality is, your kids will not immediately like him. They might even dislike him, especially if their dad is present in their lives. A child will love his real father better. Accept that.
Try putting yourself in their little shoes and understand their feelings towards this new male figure in their lives. Give your kids a break and don’t force them on him. Let their relationship blossom on its own.
Bad mouthing your ex/baby daddy to your new suitor
A lot of single mothers are guilty of bad-mouthing their baby daddies to anyone and everyone who can listen, including the guys they start dating.
It doesn’t matter how it ended with your ex. Talking ill about him to your suitor is a no-no!
When you have a child together, you have to co-parent with your ex. This means you’ll need to interact and try to have everyone, including your new guy, get along.
Plus, bashing your baby daddy to the new guy makes it seem like you’re still not over that relationship. And no one wants to date the woman still hung up on their ex.
Not being entirely truthful about your ex
Well, be 100% truthful with your date. Tell them about what happened between you and your ex if he asks. Also, mention whether or not he is still in the picture and if he supports the child/children. Do not lie about cutting off all ties and then one day your boyfriend visits you only to find your baby daddy on the backyard playing with the kids and giving him the “Who the hell are you?” look.
Are you a single mother who wants to start dating or are already dating? What is your experience so far? Let me know in the comments section.