I know your pain. I know that you love your step-children, and you want to be honored just as much as any other Mom does. The role of a maternal figure can be filled in many ways. And I know that you deserve to be appreciated for all that you do for your family. I know that you had no idea what you were getting into when you signed up to be a stepmom, and I know your stepchildren are lucky to have you in their lives.
I see your sacrifices. I am well aware of what you’ve given up to be an amazing stepmom, I recognize the heartbreak you’ve endured. I acknowledge all that you’ve done for your family. I respect your sacrifice and your selflessness.
You stepped in and chose to love another woman’s child. You dealt with baggage, acted as the mediator and you stepped up.
I don’t know about you, but if you are a stepmom like me who has accepted your husband’s children as your own, there are some years you can feel left out of the celebration.
Although I know other step moms do receive acknowledgement on this day, a majority are ignored.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Mother’s Day and all it entails, but sometimes there just isn’t a place for your role as the bonus mom. Yes, you could whine and tell your husband his kids must acknowledge you too on this day, but let’s face it. That’s just weird, comes out as being needy and who wants to be recognized because you asked for recognition and appreciation?
So how do you get past the feeling of being left out? Here are some tips on how to survive as a stepmom and managing your expectations on Mother’s Day.
Tips to survive Mother’s Day
Remember that you are not their biological mum, so don’t take it personally when it doesn’t come naturally to your step kids to celebrate you on this day.
Personally, after being in a blended family for more than 10 years it’s not such a big deal. As long as my partner appreciates me, I am good. An ideal mothers day would be spending the day in bed with room service, watching my current series on Netflix ( How to get away with murder) and sipping on my gin and tonic.
Here are some tips to make the day bearable for anyone who is new in the game. I would have really appreciated such tips during my early days.
- Take action. Don’t just sit around sad, regretting your choices and undermining how valuable you are. Do some self care. Treat yourself to what you enjoy. A massage,coffee or lunch with a friend. Speak to yourself words of affirmation, deep down you know you are doing your best and that’s enough.
- Communicate to your partner who can break it down to the kids. Let him know your expectations of the day. Let him go and relay to them if you are not able to how you feel about them and your role as their step mother. It would even be better if you could talk to your step kids yourself.
- Let your step kids know that they are free to celebrate their biological mum on the day. Encourage them to buy something special, call her or even meet up on the day. It is okay for them to appreciate her too. You can even chip in to their budget just in case they are low on cash. It goes a long way to show them that they can love both mums and they don’t have to pick a side. This also gives you some alone time with your partner if you don’t have kids of your own. ( add a wink )
- Be very aware of your emotions on the day and don’t let this cloud your thinking or actions. Children can sense when tensions are high and this just adds to the confusion and anxiety around the day. Don’t compare last year’s mothers day to this one and make the assumption that they will not do anything for you this year. Be positive and don’t stress too much about the day.
- Step moms remind your partners that they have to step up on this day. I would like to remind the husbands that they carry the day. Sometimes you are the one person around to celebrate her on this day. If the kids don’t do it willingly you can nudge them to do something and if they are adamant about it. You go ahead and celebrate your wife. Remember that this woman loved you and your children enough to volunteer for the most thankless job in the world. A simple gesture of buying her flowers, breakfast in bed or even a card goes a long way.
- Do something for other mothers in your life. Think about your mum, sisters and friends who are mums. Celebrate them and get them something special. It feels amazing when you do something good for another person without expecting anything in return. I personally plan to do this for 10 mums that I know this year. It removes the focus on you on the day, and trust me kindness creates a ripple effect with no logical end.
- Lastly, do not have too many expectations for the day. It’s only 24 hours. It’s enough to know that you are a god mum, that you are defined by more than being a mum. Self love and acceptance comes from within, So pop that bottle of champagne on the day and drink to you !!!