If there is one day of the year that can trigger either elation or sadness for a stepmom it’s Mother’s Day. One of the reasons Mother’s Day can evoke so much emotion is because many step mums feel like they have all of the pain, frustrations, financial strain, and difficulty of being a parent, but none of the rewards or joy.
Pick yourself up this year and come sit around the table, let’s talk and turn this into a day you actually have control over. Remember that we have to be in charge of our own happiness.
On this day it helps to remember that it’s tough for the husband too. He is trying to please his new wife and at the same time, trying not to disappoint his children. So he has to put in double effort to make everyone feel special. He probably has to buy the gifts and then push the children to give them to you, which they do half-heatedly. On such days I feel sorry for him!!!
My greatest learning point over time and to this regard has been that you, as a step mum have to work around your expectations and accept the situation for what it really is and not try to make it something it can never be.
So maybe you don’t get a stepmum Oscar — or even get nominated. But you have the role of a lifetime and it can reap some rewarding benefits. It may not be this Sunday, or even the Sunday after that — but one day you will know that all your hard work, tears, love, and determination have made a difference in someone’s life.
Here are some tips to ensure that you do not spend the day crying in bed.
Tips on how to survive mother’s day:-
1. Dial back your expectations about what your stepchildren might do for you. This is a win-win, because if they surprise you with a phone call or thoughtful gesture, you will appreciate it more for not having expected it. And if they don’t do anything, you won’t be disappointed.
2. Allow your step children to spend Mother’s Day weekend with their biological mother. If you are a biological mother yourself, enjoy your children on that day too.
3. Celebrate other women including your mother. Do something special for a deserving woman you know. Call or text another step-mom and wish them a happy Mother’s Day.
4. Encourage your husband to assist his children with making sure they have what they need to celebrate their biological mother.
5. Encourage your children to find one mother out there that they find inspiring and send a gift to her; this could even be a teacher in school (this helps them realize that mother figures are all around us).
6. If your ego will not allow you to make it through the day without feeling slighted, inform your husband in advance of your needs and tell him what you want him to do.
7. Finally, don’t determine your net worth as a step-mom by what happens on Mother’s Day. Focus on the positive and a have a wonderful day!
FYI – There is now a “Stepmother’s day” on the Sunday following Mother’s Day. It’s not exactly widely known or accepted in the same way that Mother’s Day is, but on this day, remember to treat yourself like the queen you already are, and stay resilient. So for all of you brave step mums out there, it’s okay that you don’t have an “official” day where everyone has to stop and intentionally recognize you. You are still amazing. You are still worthy and you still have guts of steel for continuing on your step-mothering journey.
Jeans – Levi
Denim Shirt – Levi
Shoes – Dune